Thank you to all who responded to the question I posed on the Moving Forward Newsletter.
Here are two responses I received that I wanted to share with you:
It’s been a while since you’ve heard from me. Hope you and family are well. I’m glad to have made many improvements since I signed up for your coaching a few years back.
I’m responding to your question about people crossing boundaries. With me, it was the nosy questions probing for details of divorce and my family situation: Where are you living now? What last name are you using now?
I appreciate what you said about responding with strong one-liners. For me throwing a question back at them has been quite effective: Why do you ask? Why does it matter/Does it matter? What difference does it make? They don’t expect that and have no solid response. So I never answer the question and just change the subject or end the conversation and move along.
If you have any additional suggestions I’d really appreciate them. Thanks so much.” ~Cam in New York
“This is a great post!
I want to thank you for all you do, you help so many people. I have A situation where my ex-husband’s new girlfriend keeps making comments about me behind my back and I don’t know what to say to her about it. Do you have any examples of one-liners that you can recommend as helpful?
Thank you you so much again! ~ Allison”
I LOVE the answer a question with a question approach.
These are excellent detractors from getting into a conversation you do not want to have.
Other great “one-liners”:
- When someone is pushing their opinion on you, you can respond with, “Thanks for your opinion, I’ll take it in consideration.”
- If someone is saying you’re wrong or trying to bully you into a fight, “You are entitled to your opinion and I am entitled to mine.”
- When someone is telling you that your feelings are wrong, “My feelings are right for me at this moment, because it’s what I am feeling.”
- If someone is touching you inappropriately, “I prefer to not be touched that way.”Basically, you are looking for something that is non-argumentative and does not disrespect the person talking crap – because if you attack them, you are in defense mode and that puts them on the defense as well. This will lead to nothing but more drama, anger and hurt.
As for the girlfriend who likes to talk bad about you…
I’m sorry you are going through this. Nobody likes it when others talk bad about us Basically, I don’t think there is a good one-liner in this situation.
There are two reasons for this:
1) She is not someone that you care about
2) She is not saying them directly to you.
This woman is just trying to spread gossip – to make other people believe her lies about you.
You are trying to come up with a one-liner to make her stop. You believe that what she is saying will have some sort of effect in your life.
The only way it can have an effect on your life, is if you let it.
She will continue to spread lies if she thinks they are impacting you.
Just as I told my niece, “Their opinion is none of your business.” And, you have a choice to get upset, lash out at them and bring more drama into your life, or you can take the high road and do nothing. Doing nothing includes telling your friends you do not want to know what this woman is saying and not engaging in conversations about her.
Most of all when people are spreading lies about you remember that those who love and know you will not believe them, which leads to the questions – what do you care what people you don’t care about think? If they believe those lies, are they people you want to associate with?
When you do nothing you are taking your power back and you are saying yes to peace within your own heart.