Why Did He Leave Me?

This is such a sad state to be in. Many women got stuck in the “Why did he leave me” syndrome. The conversation in their head goes something like this:

A million questions running through the mind

*  ”Why did he leave me?
*  What did I do wrong?
*  Why is he so selfish?
*  What does she have that I don’t?
*  Doesn’t he care what happens to me?
*  How could he just fall out of love after so many years?”

And ONE answer “I am not good enough. If I only knew why he left, I could change and be the person he wants me to be.”

It can be hard to accept these two hard cold facts:

1. It doesn’t matter “why” he left. Knowing why will not change what has already happened.

2. The reason he left has NOTHING to do with you. This can be really hard to swallow. He left because he was unhappy. It never was your job to keep him happy. It was his job. The more you ask “why,” the more stressed and depressed you become.

As women, we are often led to believe that it is our responsibility to nurture everyone by putting their needs first which should make them happy. We believe that if we do everything right that those around us will be happy.

Happiness is a choice that each person has to make for themself. It is impossible for one person to “make” another happy.

The Reason WHY

You stay stuck on wondering “why he left me,” is simply a reason to stay stuck where you are. The truth may be that you are afraid to move forward in your life, and to prevent yourself from stepping out of your comfort zone, you remain in the everlasting turmoil of “why!”

By continuing to ask why, you do not have to do any self exploration. Another benefit may be that other people cater to you because they “feel sorry for you.” It really does not matter why he left - what matters is how you are responding to it.

How to Move Forward

1. Accept that he left. It’s done, it’s over and there is nothing that is going to change it. Reliving the pain over and over in your head does not help you nor the people around you. It definitely will not bring him back.

2. Take control of your thoughts. Why are you giving your life over to another person? No one can make you happy but you. Decide that you are going to put you first.

3. Find something that you enjoy and start doing it. The world is yours to explore and to have fun in.

4. Begin a gratitude journal. Everyday list at least 5 things that you are grateful for.

5. Take it one minute at a time. When you find yourself becoming overwhelmed, wondering why and feeling sad about your divorce - Take a step back, close your eyes, take three long deep breaths as you tell yourself to relax. Now open your eyes and see what is before you. This is NOW. You do not need to live in the past or in the future. The only thing you can control is where you are now. Make the best of every now and take time to smell the roses.


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Filed Under: Emotions, Life After Divorce


  1. Lilian Charles says:

    I am very grateful for reading this tips of getting over Divorce! I am in the begging of getting a divorce and i already see myself very happy! i am happy because I have no regret and he is the one that has left me and our 3 beautiful children! thank you so much for reminding me of my self and my life. Thank you

  2. Melody says:

    Thank you for the reality check.
    #2 at the top really hit home for me. It IS his responsibility to make himself happy, not mine. And it never was.

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