Ask Cindy: I Want His Past to be Exposed - Any advice?

I just found out that my ex is getting remarried.  It has been two years since our divorce was final.  In this time he has introduced our 4 year old to 8 different women, the current one has been around at most six months. My ex is a serial cheater and a sex addict.  I have never talked to his fiancé but I would love for his past to be exposed. Any advice???  ~Amanda in Wisconsin

Amanda, as much as you would love for his past to be exposed, it IS NOT a good idea to expose it. You will be seen by her as a troublemaker and a liar. She has been won over by his charm (just like you originally were.) If someone had told you these things about his past, would you have believed them?

He will cause a scene about what a bitch you are. Some people will believe him. Do you want to go through this? I’m sure you don’t. I understand that you are coming from a pure heart, from wanting to protect this woman by exposing his past. However, she does not see that she needs protecting. You will reap the consequences of what you say and more often than not - things like this backfire on you.

I have a client I’ll call Sue. When Sue met her husband he had three ex-girlfriends with whom he fathered children. All three of these women told Sue that he was a player, a cheater, a liar and abusive. Did she listen to these three women? NO.

Her thoughts were that she was different. He didn’t really love these other women as much as he loved her. She thought she was special. She believed he would change for her.

She also thought that these women had “screwed” her man over in the past because of things that he had already told her. She had already believed him that these other women were manipulative, were liars and just all out bitches.

Sue told some common friends what these women had said and most of these friends took Sue’s side. As a matter of fact, Sue and her husband got custody of one of the women’s children because she continually tried to make other people see what a rotten man he was.

Remember, you are responsible for you. Your responsibility is to love your daughter and giver her everything that you can. You are not responsible for him, this other woman OR EVEN his relationship with your daughter.

Sadly, your daughter has a father like this. In time, she will see who he really is, and will appreciate you more for showing her how to be a strong loving woman.  Remember, you are teaching her how to handle things because she is watching your every move, whether you realize it or not. You are teaching her what type of woman to be. You are teaching her to be responsible for herself first and to not depend on a man for her happiness or for her life.

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