Ask Cindy: My Ex Keeps Sending Me Hateful Threatening Messages

My ex will not stop sending me hateful, threatening and sarcastic emails. I have already blocked him from my phone and texting. I have left the email so we can have some communication about the girls. He does not see them regularly. This past weekend I received 2 emails that were full of awful derogatory words. I’m worried that if I take away the email he might start in worse on the girls then he does now. I am thinking of telling him if I get one more threatening email like that, that I will go to the police - that will for sure send him into a frenzy. And then what happens if the police won’t phone him or talk to him? I don’t want to threaten him but I am very upset about how he talks to me, I don’t know what to do.  ~  Lynn in Nebraska


What I am seeing is that you are communicating with him mainly for your children - correct? If this is the case, you may be able to sever your correspondence with him. Is there a trusted family member or friend that can act as a mediator for you. This person would be your contact regarding the children and would also transport the children to one another’s homes for visitation purposes. Seek legal advice on how to set this up legally within your states court system.

It sounds like this is definitely a harassment issue, however I also wonder what all law enforcement can do. In my experience, law enforcement may speak to him regarding the harassment, but unless there is an actual physical threat their hands may be tied. Again, you will need to seek legal advice.

If you are concerned about the cost of an attorney, find the “Legal Aid” department in your state. They will be able to tell you your rights and what your state law states regarding your situation.

In your question, you stated that you are concerned “he might start in worse on the girls then he does now.” This sounds like it could be an issue for Child Protective Services. If you feel he is threatening or endangering your girls, give them a call.

It is difficult to heal and move on after a divorce when you are being harassed. Remember, you do not deserve to be treated that way.  He is trying to execute power and control over you. Practice techniques to remain calm, (such as meditation or deep breathing) in order to make the best decisions for you and your children.

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  1. Mary says

    I can totally and completely relate! When I was going through my divorce, my ex repeatedly called me, saying incredibly harsh and derogatory things to me. He’d also extremely badmouth me to our young daughters. It was the worst time of my life!!! I finally ignored his calls but he still left hostile messages! I involved the police on numerous occasions and they’d talk to him each time but he just wouldn’t quit. I finally had enough evidence: I transferred all his horrible messages to a tape recorder and provided that to the police. With their help, he was arrested for domestic violence. I obtained a restraining order, which is free of charge usually, and now as mentioned, a family member is a third party for visitation purposes. I highly recommend you look into a restraining order. Keep all the texts, emails and voicemails-It will be extremely helpful to the police AND the courts. I paid nothing to obtain one either. Being talked to like this is completely unnecessary and I know my life is much more peaceful now. I pray you find peace as well. I’m with you because I’ve been where you are! It’s not an easy or fun road to travel but, like me, you’ll get through this and the best part: You’ll be SO much stronger and happier! God Bless you! All the best to you and your children!
    -Mary, Wisconsin

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