Five Tips to Get Over Divorce

Many well meaning family and friends may tell you to “Just get over divorce.” This is impractical. You really can’t “get over” anything. There is always a process and it may be a painful one at that. But, there are things you can do to feel pain and get on the path to creating your life.

Here are 5 tips to get over divorce:

1.  Allow yourself to FEEL. You may be in so much pain during and after your divorce that you are keeping yourself from truly feeling. You may be stuffing your feelings down with food, drink or staying active. You may think that you need to act as if everything is all right in front of your children, family, and friends. You may not understand your feelings – especially if you are the one that initiated the divorce. Do not allow the pain to boil inside of you. You must feel your feelings to get over divorce. Go somewhere quiet and just let all of your feelings flow. Take a long a box of tissues. You may find yourself sobbing one second and laughing the next. This is perfectly normal. Just FEEL. Feel the sadness, feel the anger, feel the guilt, feel the pain. Allowing the feelings to flow is a big step in letting go.

2.  Let Go of Negativity. You need to let go of the blame, of the anger, of the hatred, of the guilt. This may sound like a contradiction at first, but it is not. In order to totally let go of these negative emotions, you need to allow yourself to feel them first. Once you have let go of the negativity, do not allow negative emotions to creep back in and take over your life. You will feel these emotions from time to time, maybe even daily for a while. It is ok. Feel them and let them go. To get over divorce, you must be able to let go of all the negativity that surrounded it.

3.  Love Yourself. During the divorce, you were probably so busy taking care of “things,” that you did not allow time for yourself. You were on a fast-track of dividing assets, caring for the children, completing paperwork, separating your finances and looking for a new home. It is important to take the time to love yourself. Get to know who you really are. Do things that make you feel good about yourself. This could be getting a massage, joining a gym or buying yourself a special gift.

4.  Try something new. Take the time to see what the world has to offer. During your marriage, there was a set routine and you may not have had the time to explore new opportunities. You could take up a new sport such as tennis or basketball. You may be interested in activities that give you an adrenalin rush such as bungee jumping, wind surfing or mountain climbing. Join a club in your area to meet people that are interested in the same things as you, such as a book, walking, sports, parenting or women’s clubs. Doing something new is a wonderful way to get over divorce, as it opens your eyes to a world you may have not ever known existed.

5.  Focus on the Future. Don’t allow yourself to get lost in the past by constantly asking yourself questions, such as “What if …” or making statements like “If only …,” “I could’ve” or “I should’ve.” These statements keep you locked into the past, trying to find answers that do not really matter. You cannot go back and change the past. You and your ex both acted the way you did and voiced the things you said. There is no going back and changing it. Instead, focus on the future. Get over divorce and decide what type of future you want. You can be, do and have anything that you decide. You are at a crossroad in your life that will allow you to create the life of your dreams.

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