Ask Cindy: Does Letting Go of Gifts Mean I Havn’t Forgiven Him?

Question From Dr. Whitmore in Tennessee.

Hi Cindy! I have a question… If I don’t want to wear a necklace or jewelry that my ex gave me, or I don’t want to keep a mirror -you know one of those stand up mirrors with legs (he gave it to me when we first started dating)… Does this mean I haven’t forgiven him?

As you know- I am purging, donating, and selling items…

Would love your thoughts.


I don’t think it means you haven’t forgiven him. A lot of emotions and memories can be tied into these gifts and you are just at a point where you are ready to put these things in the past. I think it means you are moving on.

Sometimes, to move forward we have to purge & giving away or selling these gifts that were given to you by your ex is a part of the purging process. It’s like giving away your cheer-leading outfit or not wearing your high school ring anymore. These things are just not a part of who you are anymore.

You may not realize it but you are actually going in the right direction. I think you have the right idea when it comes to purging these things. If they are not of use to you anymore send them out the door.

Some ideas are that you can sell the more expensive items to a pawn shop or second hand boutique store. You can also have a yard sale and whatever you don’t sell you can donate. It’s good to let it go to people who will enjoy it. Something else you can do is, refurbish items that you are having a harder time letting go of. For instance, you could refurbish the mirror with new paint or some embellishments. Sometimes making little changes can make something feel brand new.

So, my thoughts on you wanting to get rid of these gifts are that this does NOT at all mean you haven’t forgiven him. It means you are ready to move forward in your life and that is a GREAT thing. I think getting rid of these gifts that he has given you will help you feel more empowered and happier.

I wish you all the best on this journey and hope that whatever you choose to do that it makes you happy.

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