How to Overcome Fear After Divorce

Most divorced women are overwhelmed with fear after a divorce.

Fear keeps you frozen in the past. It prevents you from seeing the endless possibilities that the future has to offer you.

It prevents you from letting go and moving forward to a brighter and happier life. The question you may be asking is:

“How do I overcome fear?”

“To use fear as the friend it is, we must retrain and reprogram ourselves…We must persistently and convincingly tell ourselves that the fear is here–with its gift of energy and heightened awareness–so we can do our best and learn the most in the new situation.” ~ Peter McWilliams

The first thing to do is to determine exactly what your fears are. Sit down and write down a complete list of all of your fears. Common fears amongst divorced women are:

  • Where will I live?
  • How will I pay the bills?
  • What if I lose my job?
  • How can I support my children?
  • What if my kids are taken away from me?
  • What if the kids like my ex’s new partner more than me?
  • Who will care for me if I become ill?
  • Will I be alone for the rest of my life?
  • Who will ever want to be in a relationship with me?
  • Will I ever find love again?

“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.” ~ H. P. Lovecraft

Once you list your fears, you will realize that most, if not all of them are actually fears of the unknown. Holding onto these fears make you believe that you are not in control of your own life, which may lead to more stress and sadness.

“FEAR is an acronym in the English language for “False Evidence Appearing Real” ~ Neale Donald Walsch

Bottom line is that fear of the future and fear of the unknown stem from your imagination. You are imagining everything that could go wrong. The subconscious mind only knows of the present. It cannot differentiate between past and present, nor real or imaginary. When you imagine or remember something that you determine would be bad, you begin to feel anxious, fearful or sad. When you imagine or remember something that you determine would be good, you begin to feel hope, peace and happiness.

“Nothing in life is to be feared, it is only to be understood. Now is the time to understand more, so that we may fear less.” ~ Marie Curie

Learn to turn off mind chatter that keeps you afraid. When it begins yapping, “Warning – warning – warning – danger ahead,” choose to hit the reject button. Everyone has mind chatter. It is impossible to turn it off, but you do have the power to change the channel. Begin by reminding yourself that you are responsible for your future and you have the ability to handle every situation that comes your way with ease and grace.

You have found yourself in unfamiliar territory. You never thought you would be divorced. You thought that you had a lifelong partner to lean on in hard times. Now all of the responsibility lands squarely on you. This can be terrifying if you let your fears control you. Believe that you future can be better than your past. Make peace with fear. It can be your friend and catapult you into amazing new adventures in life.

“First ask yourself: What is the worst that can happen? Then prepare to accept it. Then proceed to improve on the worst.” ~ Dale Carnegie

To overcome fear after divorce take each fear and complete the following exercise:

  1. List all of the possible outcome, both the good and the bad.
  2. Ask yourself how you would handle each situation should it arise.
  3. Accept the worst possible conclusion that could happen. Once you have accepted the fact that you would be able to handle it, if it were to occur, your fears begin to dissipate.
  4. Make a list of actions you can take right now to avoid the worst possible conclusion.
  5. Imagine the best possible outcome that you could wish for.
  6. What would you have to do to make it a reality? Are you willing and able to do what it takes?
  7. Get to work doing everything humanly possible that you can to create the best possible outcome for your future.

Fear is a feeling, not a fact. It stems from a belief that you have no control over a situation. Once you begin working on each fear, staring it down for all that it is and is not, you will gain confidence. In time, you will believe that you have the ability to achieve all of your dreams in life.

“Fears are educated into us, and can, if we wish, be educated out.” ~ Karl Augustus Menninger

Choose to take control of your life today. Everything that you need to have a meaningful and fulfilling life is hidden inside of you behind your fears. If you need some help flushing out your fears, schedule a free 60-minute session with divorce coach Cindy today. Know that your life will never be the same as it was yesterday. How do you choose to live your future?


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Filed Under: Emotions, Life After Divorce

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