There are quite a few misconceptions about divorce that are widely believed by most people. Many of these so called “facts about divorce” are simply not true. Not every divorce is the same. As a matter of fact, no two divorces are the same. There may be similarities, but each couple and each individual has their own issues and desires. Even the most amicable of splits are painful. However, it is possible to experience peace during and after your divorce.
Here are 5 BS FACTS about Divorce:
1. The mom always gets the kids
Many moons ago, this was typically the case. Now, many couples are fighting for custody or end up sharing custody. Judges don’t seem to just give the mother full custody anymore, unless the father doesn’t want it or shows some kind of negligence. If your ex is a good father, don’t punish him or the kids by trying to be spiteful. It’s always best to continue co-parenting if possible, if that’s what’s best for the children. Many women have lost custody of their children by believing that so called, “fact about divorce.”
2. He has to pay alimony/child support
When the husband went to work every day and the mom stayed home, she would typically receive alimony and child support in the case of the divorce. With the rise of the modern woman, this has changed. If your husband makes drastically more or if you were a stay-at-home mom, you’ll most likely still receive child support and alimony. However, if you are the breadwinner or make a lot more than him, you might actually have to pay. This has been becoming more of the norm. Even Halle Berry was ordered to pay alimony and child support to two of her exes.
3. What he says goes
The common phrase “It’s a Man’s World” doesn’t always apply anymore. The attorneys and judge aren’t going to listen to him over you just because he’s a man. This so called fact about divorce died at least a half-a-century ago. Instead, they will look at facts and determine what’s best and fair for all parties involved. It’s incredibly important for you to keep your emotions and feelings at bay as much as possible throughout the divorce procedures. Acting on logic with a calm and cool head will get you more of what you want, rather than reacting based on emotions. Be fair. Don’t try to keep his video games or baseball card collection just to hurt him. Being spiteful during the divorce typically backfires and hurts you, not him.
4. The most expensive attorney will “win”
You do want to hire a good, credible attorney to help you out with this stressful process. However, just because he has more money to spend on his attorney doesn’t necessarily mean that he will get everything he wants. Make sure your attorney is competent by checking out reviews and taking some time to make sure she understands exactly what you want out of the proceedings. Don’t fall for this BS fact about divorce. Find an attorney that you trust and listens to you. One that will fight for you want. Also keep in mind that no one ever “really” wins. Both parties are left to rebuild their own life with their part of the settlement.
5. It’s easy if you asked for the divorce
Again, not true. This is one of the most common BS facts about divorce. Divorce is a painful process, just like the end of any other relationship. You must grieve the death of your marriage and your life as you knew it. Even if you found someone else and left your ex, there will be moments that a memory or comment or song might “hit” you and remind you of what once was. That’s OK. It’s normal. Most people can’t close their eyes, go to sleep, and wake up with no emotions or feelings tied to the person they spent a good chunk of time with. Let’s face it, no one gets married expecting to get divorced. We have this idea that the marriage will last our lifetime. Like any other dream coming to an end, it hurts. Just stay focused on moving forward in a positive manner.
Don’t fall for BS facts about divorce or believe everything that your family and friends tell you. Each divorce is different. Seek the guidance of a Divorce Coach to help you stay focused and see things for what they are, not what you wish they are. Take care of yourself and love yourself through the divorce. Don’t fall prey to believing “facts” about divorce, instead reach out and figure out what will be the likely outcome of your own situation.