I was married for 39 years not all good, lots of rows, occasional physical abuse and mental abuse.
January of this year, he told me he was leaving me to live with a woman 90 miles away who he’d been sleeping with and it was all my fault. He moved out and straight into her house, where he now lives happily.
He will not discuss with me his part in this even though I have asked him why he didn’t leave before if he felt that way. We are now in the middle of a divorce and I am devastated that at 58 I am the one who’s alone, he is financially better off living with her, I get the house and mortgage he and his lover the holiday home, so his life has barely changed except he will have more money in his pocket to spend each month than before. Why can I not move forward now, I spend all my time thinking about how different things could have been but all I got was betrayal lies and cheating.
Why is it that cheats prosper in this way and just leave someone who was their partner for so long, even if it wasn’t ideal, in such emotional distress without a backward glance. ~ Sue in the UK
You were very settled in your life and thought you knew what the future held. Now at 58, you have a whole different life ahead of you. Letting go of all the pain you feel and letting go of what you believe he should or should not have done is a process, but it is vital to your healing.
There are many unanswered questions throughout our lifetime. This is one of them. Accept what is. Questioning, Why - keeps you living in the past and is a way to resist facing the reality of what is. Once you accept where you are it is easier to go on. Instead of asking yourself why start shifting your focus to what you can do today to live a happier life tomorrow - without him. A good divorce coach, friend or therapist may be able to help you find out who the real Sue is without your ex in her life.
Find your passions. Find new friends. Read uplifting books such as “Courage” by Debbie Ford. Watch funny movies and find things to be grateful for every day.
You are at a crossroads and have the option to choose an extra-ordinary life or to stay stuck in the past - the past mistakes, the what if’s, if only’s and should’ve beens.