Divorce is never easy. Regardless of how bad the marriage was, or who left whom you are left with emotional turmoil inside your mind, body and soul. At times it can be so agonizing that you don’t believe you can go on. The next minute you are full of hope, love and laughter. Getting divorce is definitely a crazy, wild emotional roller-coaster ride.
Often times we feel torn between how to act, what to say and who to be. The chitter-chatter going on inside of your head is a constant struggle. You are battling between doing what’s right and good for everyone involved while dealing with thoughts of anger, revenge, resentment and self-loathing.
You believe that the emotional turmoil is keeping you stuck and are desperately trying to find inner peace and make some sense of your life. Consider the following story:
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.He said, “My son, the battle is between 2 “wolves” inside us all.
One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins the battle?”
The Old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
Both being extremely sad in a marriage and divorce can bring out the worst in us. I remember before I choose to leave Earl, I actually used to pray that he died. I thought that would be a good way to end the pain I was enduring. Then once I left I thought I would somehow magically feel great and was not prepared for the emotional turmoil that ensued.
We will ALL face emotional turmoil during our divorce. The question is how long do you want to remain in that deep, dark, lonely hole? The length of time that you spend there, really depends upon which wolf you are feeding.
You may think you are justified in your anger and resentment. After all, he did and said some terrible things to you, and he may still be continuing to play games with you. This man is not at all who you thought he was and he deserves to pay for all of the pain he caused you. On the other hand, you may have accepted some of the lies he told you and feel as if there is something wrong with you because he choose to leave the marriage. You may feel inferior and be drowning in a pool of self-pity. If you continue to allow yourself to think this way, you will be headed towards depression, rage and possible health issues due to the stress.
When these parts of you surface, it is important to acknowledge them, feel them and then let them go by choosing to feed the other wolf.
Practice forgiveness and understanding. You will never know exactly what makes your ex tick, however you can come to the understanding that he is on his own journey in this life and be at peace with it. You can be kind by wishing him well. You can be generous by allowing him to see your children, or by giving him some of what he wants and not holding onto it for your own selfish reasons. Some of the craziest arguments during divorce are over silly things like who gets the music collection or the paintings on the wall.
You can have hope for your future by living your truth and being compassionate to yourself self. You can live in peace even amidst the emotional turmoil. You can choose to be happy be doing what makes you feel good - by concentrating on your own personal journey. Join me for my next free Peace During and After Divorce webinar.
Dedicate yourself to the good you deserve and desire for yourself. Give yourself peace of mind. You deserve to be happy. You deserve delight. ~ Mark Victor Hansen
Live with intention. Walk to the edge. Listen hard. Practice wellness. Play with abandon. Laugh. Choose with no regret. Continue to learn. Appreciate your friends. Do what you love. Live as if this is all there is. ~ Mary Anne Radmacher
Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of these things and still be calm in your heart. ~ Unknown