Ask Cindy: My Husband Is Bullying Me Into a Settlement …

I am sending this to you because I really do not know where to turn. My husband had an affair over a year ago at which time I left our home. He want’s me to sign off on everything including his retirement, yesterday he offered me $2,500 if I would sign off. He is a Sgt. with the dept. of corrections. We were together 12 yrs. & Aug 29th will be 9 yrs. we have been married. He does not want any lawyers but says he will pay for a mediator. I can not afford a lawyer as I have lost everything. He also wants me to sign off on a huge lump of money that he will be receiving in October for a contract the state was suppose to settle 4 years ago. This is money I would benefit from had he not have done what he did. Can I get a lawyer & make it so he has to pay for it? I am so confused. I left our home due to him telling me that if I did not leave he would “mind f me” he said he has been an officer in the prison system for 22 yrs & knows how to drive people crazy. We do not have children together which I guess is a very good thing. What do I do?? Thank you so much for your time..  ~Susan in Florida

To answer your question, yes there are times that the ex must pay for attorney fees. Remember every state has different laws, so it is extremely important to get legal advice.

Your best bet right now is to make appointments with 3 or more divorce attorneys. Many of them offer a 30 or 60-minute free consultation. They can help you to determine what you are entitled to. It will only cost you time, and you will gain a lot of knowledge. You might also want to check to see if there is a free legal aid service in your area.

Let your ex husband pay for a mediator. You will be better prepared to settle, once you have had a few complimentary sessions with some attorneys.

DO NOT let your ex husband bully you out of what you are entitled to.  

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  1. Lisa says

    I agree 100%, get a lawyer. My ex wanted to not use lawyers. If I had not hired a lawyer and I was willing to borrow from family and friends to do it…I would have gotten screwed.

    You can get a lot of advice in that first consultation.

    My mistake was to not talk to several before hiring. Because of this I ended up on firing the first one and the 2nd one truly saved my life. I paid for the 2nd with our joint credit card at the time.

    In order to get our first house which my mom rents from him now me, I had to decline spousal support which I was more than willing. Property is much more important than spousal support (which runs out eventually), at least in my case, since I did get child support.

    I was a stay at home mom for 10 years so my lawyer was also able to get my ex to write me out a check for me to use as I please.

    You have a right to the marital portion of his retirement but most likely to get it you will have to pay to have the paperwork done. Which in my case I used the money I got from my ex. in the settlement.

    I hope some how my experience helps you. I wish you the best.

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