Ask Cindy: What’s Wrong With Me?

I am a woman in my 40′s. I have been divorced for almost a year. Although my husband was verbally and physically abusive to me and our children and had numerous affairs during our marriage, I still love him. You probably think I’m crazy, but I miss him so much and would give anything to get him back. I’m having trouble sleeping and have no appetite or energy. All I want to do is sleep and watch videos. I can barely take care of my children. I cry all the time and I feel like my heart is broken. What’s wrong with me?  ~Joan in New York


It sounds like you are experiencing a couple of different things. First, you have not healed from the end of your marriage. Second, after years of being verbally and physically abused, your self-worth has probably been shattered. You believe that you love him, but do you really love who he was or who you wanted him to be? If he was capable of loving, he would not have abused you. Their is nothing wrong with you!

YOU ARE NOT CRAZY! You have been through a crisis - first the abuse, then the divorce. You need time to heal. You need time to find yourself. I would suggest that you contact your local domestic violence center for some counseling. All of their services are free. You will meet other women in the same situation as you. There is nothing wrong with getting the help you need!

Begin to pull yourself together, by focusing on what you have to be grateful for. I know it is hard when you are in the state you are in - but you can do it! I believe in you. Think of your children, your family, friends, computer, coffee, grass, air, and everything else that surrounds you. Also, when you begin to feel very sad, think of something funny and watch only funny shows. Force yourself to laugh even if you don’t feel like it. Try getting out every day, you can start by walking to the end of the block and back. Take baby steps and do things that make you feel good.

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