Have you ever said, “I can’t wait for this divorce to be over so that I can start my life?” This is such a BIG statement. What it says is that you feel stuck and unable to move forward until you get that little piece of paper in the mail stating that you are now a single woman. In reality, this is just part of the process. You can say there are three types of divorce, legal, physical and emotional.
Getting that piece of paper is the legal divorce. It really has little to no bearing on the physical or emotional divorce. What often happens is that once you get the divorce decree in the mail, you fall apart emotionally. This is because you have been so busy taking care of the legal aspect of the divorce, that you did not take time process the emotional divorce.
Let’s review the three sides of divorce…
Your legal divorce is the formality of it all. It is just making you a single person in the eyes of the law and possibly your church. Your legal divorce is simply a court ordered document stating how the two of you will separate your assets, how much alimony or child support is to be paid and parenting time. There are no emotions in the court’s decision – it’s all based on the laws of the state. It is the legal process of the two of you dissolving your partnership.
Your physical divorce is simply the act of living in different homes. Depending on your personal situation, the physical separation can happen before, during or after the legal divorce. You may choose to stay in your home with your spouse for financial reasons or because you don’t want to lose the house. Most couples find it extremely difficult to live with one another once the decision to divorce has been made. The physical divorce is a time for you to learn to live on your own.
The emotional divorce is the toughest part of divorce. You are dealing with so many questions. Also, you could be trying to rewrite the past by asking “why” or stating “if only.” Or, you could be dealing with feelings of anger and rejection and have secret plots of revenge. You might have some hope for the future, but have absolutely no idea what that future is. On the other hand, you could be terrified of the future wondering what is going to become of you. It’s important to realize that you need to fully grieve the death of your marriage, whether you initiated it or not. The grieving process is what lets you LET GO and MOVE FORWARD!
Know that the emotional divorce will have a HUGE impact on how smoothly the legal divorce goes.
When you know how to effectively deal with your emotions, you are in a better place to make the best decision’s. If you are struggling with the emotional aspect of the divorce, I invite you to participate in our Free Webinar, “How to Swiftly Breakthrough – Your Divorce Depression and Anger, to Rebuild Your Life with Less Stress, More Confidence and Courage!”