Did You Take the Most Important Thing When You Divorced?

Sometimes we get so wrapped up in our partner and in our relationship that we forget who we are to our core. Take some time to rediscover yourself. Think about the things you enjoyed before you got married. Consider the person you were; your interests, your dreams, your personality. Did any of that change after you became a wife? Of course there are parts of your life that will change when you get married, but certain parts of you should always remain who you are. Take those parts of you back. Be spontaneous if that’s who you truly are, but planned things out to the tiniest detail because your ex couldn’t stand not having a plan. Or make a plan if your spouse was spontaneous and it drives you nuts. Be true to yourself.

Many times we lose ourselves when we commit to a marriage and put our all into making it work. Once divorced, we realize we’ve actually lost sight of who we are and don’t know how to get back. Make a list of everything you know that you like. This may be easier said than done due to being accustomed to what the pair of you enjoyed. Really concentrate on determining what it is that you like to do, where you like to go, how you like to spend your down time, and who you are as a person. Fill the little gaps and cracks in yourself that were created by too much compromising or just going with the flow with those things that you truly like. Keep in mind, any relationship takes compromise and doing things your partner enjoys, but it’s important to discover yourself before you can bring a complete you to the next relationship. Take time to build a relationship with yourself.

Reinvent yourself. Take your goals, dreams, desires, and passions and become the version of yourself that you truly want to be. Perhaps you like your hair short but you kept it long for him; cut it. If you worked out constantly trying to keep a certain figure, take a day off if you want to. On the other hand, if you aren’t happy with your weight, do something about it for you. If you stopped wearing blue because he didn’t like the color, go buy a blue sweater. Spend some time thinking about who you truly are and who you want to be tomorrow. Take baby steps, but be true to yourself. When you reinvent yourself to be the best version of you that’s possible, you’ll attract all of the great things that have been waiting for that version of you.

Rediscovering yourself and reinventing yourself doesn’t mean there was anything wrong with you or your ex. It just means that you are at a different point in your life and it’s time to really make it all about you. Of course there are obligations that you may have, such as your job or children, that will always be a consideration, but it’s extremely important to get in touch with your inner-self.

So, did YOU take the most important thing when you divorced?


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  1. says

    What you speak of can certainly relate to any long term relationship that ends. It is interesting how we do give up parts of ourself to be in a relationship. I certainly found a different me outside of a painful relationship that should have ended a long time before it did.

  2. says

    I think keeping the inner self alive and listening to your inner guidance is very important. Nicely put post. It is very helpful to people who are going through the painful process of divorce.

  3. Ann Rich says

    It has been 15 years since my divorce. I have since been remarried, and have a happy relationship. But at my 2nd wedding there was a fight between both families older children. Ended up in a brawl where we had to call the police. Since then my family have had no contact with us. They have also informed me that my new husband they do not like. My son has retuned to my life, but my daughter has gone on, got married, had a child and I never see or hear from her. Now after approx 13 years, my eldest sister has contacted me. She wants to stay in touch occasionally, to know what I am up too and to see that I am ok. This has rocked my boat, as never ever thought I would see them again. She is also talking that after awhile we come back into the family, but has informed me that my ex husband is in their lives still, and has been included in all family events since my divorce. My divorce was initiated by him, and was very nasty. I had put all this behind me and got on with life. Now I am shattered. I do not know what to do. I do not want any contact with my family if my ex husband is in their lives. I said I would never speak to him again. Please can you help me?


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