I wasted years of my life on that man!

So often woman believe that they have wasted years of their life with their former spouse. You might feel as if it was all a Lie. You might believe that nothing came out of it. You might be angry at yourself with the thought, “I wasted the best years of my life on that man!”

Realize that you have not wasted years of your life and it was not all a lie. Feelings were real at one time. The experiences you had, both good and bad were real. The lessons you learned are real. It was your life, a part of your journey. You needed this journey, these exact experiences to become the person you are today.
One of the difficult parts of divorce is accepting the fact that feelings change as well as individuals. So often we have this unrealistic belief that everyone else sees the world the same way we do. This is completely not true.

If you and I were walking side by side along a path by the ocean, one might think we would be having the same experience. We are not. I may not like the sun shining in my face, where as you are basking in the warmth of it. I may not like the wind blowing my hair in my face, you might consider it a gentle breeze. I might think that walking in the sand is hard and treacherous, while you believe it’s like walking on air. We are together, having a completely different experience due to our own perceptions of what surrounds us.

In love, marriage and divorce the same thing happens. Both parties experience life events differently, which may lead them down different paths. However, there is this part of us that believes our spouse is experiencing these things the same way we are. At some point in time, things began to change and one or both of you began down a different path. You may have kept walking along the original path, without realizing that he was not on the same path as you, or you started down a different path and you believed that your spouse made the turn with you

After a period of time one or both of you began to feel unfulfilled. You may not have really known who the other person was anymore. As you saw your spouse change, you began changing yourself in attempt to please him. The more you changed, the further apart you became. You may have talked yourself into believing everything was ok, that the two of you were happy. Then WHAM, he left or did something that you decided you could not live with any longer.

You have not wasted years of your life. Everything that happened has made you the beautiful, strong woman that you are.  Take inventory of everything that happened, both good and bad. How did your marriage make you grow as a woman? What lessons did you learn about life? What did you discover about yourself?  What good came out of your marriage? Regardless of how bad the situation, there is ALWAYS good to be found, if we take the time to reflect and find it. 

Instead of dwelling on the thought that you wasted years of your life, think about how much it taught you, Ask yourself, “What am I going to do to make the following years the best years of my life?” Don’t let the next chapter of your life be wasted years on thinking about the past.

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  1. says

    I am finally at the beginning of this step. Not all my memories are bad or painful anymore. After 24 years of marriage and blindsided by a divorce, I totally felt it had all been a waste. So nice to see this in writing. Thank you

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