Divorce Stories We Tell

There are many divorce stories we tell ourselves as well as others. We may reserve certain stories for our closest friends and may keep some of them to ourselves. When you think about your divorce, what stories automatically come to mind? What if you think of someone else’s divorce?

Chances are the personal divorce stories we tell ourselves are much more dramatic and juicier than that of others. That is because we are in the thick of things. We can create stories for every single word our ex says and every action they take.  The divorce stories we tell ourselves are based on our perception, our feelings and our values. And guess what?

The divorce stories we tell ourselves are NOT reality.

Yup, that’s right. We are lying to ourselves.

If a friend came up to you and told you how sad she is because she just found out her husband has been cheating on her for years, how would you interpret this story? You would probably just look at the facts. 1. He cheated. 2. She is getting a divorce. 3. She is sad. Because you are not emotionally attached to their lives or the outcome of their divorce, you give the situation little meaning. This is one of the reasons why we can tell a friend something that we know we have told them before, yet they believe it is the first time you told them. Even though you are friends, your personal lives do not affect one another.

On the other hand, if you just found out that your husband has been cheating on you for years, your personal livelihood has been attacked. Therefore based on your perceptions, the divorce stories begin. Some of the divorce stories you tell yourself probably include:

  • How could he do this to me?
  • Doesn’t he care about the kids?
  • He’s just a selfish narcissistic pig.
  • He is just out to hurt me.
  • What are our friends and family going to say?
  • What does the other woman have that I don’t?
  • The other woman is a home wrecker. She lured him in by being seductive.
  • He is a horrible person for doing this. I meant our vows, obviously he didn’t.

This is very personal to you. The divorce stories we tell ourselves is a coping mechanism to help us deal with the pain and anger we feel. The problem is that the more you tell these stories, the sadder and angrier you get. It’s time to release them and begin your path to healing, loving yourself and finding the inner peace you crave.

The way to release the divorce stories we tell ourselves is to realize that we are the one that is making up the story. For example, many women believe that their ex is flaunting their new relationship just to hurt them. The truth is very few men, actually do this. They are so hung up in their new life, with their new girlfriend that they are not even thinking about you. You do not like seeing them together in person or on Facebook, so you create the story that they are flaunting their relationship in front of you. Once you realize, that you are causing the pain, by the story you have given yourself, it is easier to release it.

Reality is just the facts and nothing but the facts. By attaching our feelings and beliefs to reality, we are creating a story. You created it and you can let it go. Examine your own stories, and release your attachment to them in order to move forward in your life and put all the drama behind you.

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  1. Happily I’ve never found myself in a divorce situation, but I have often been the friend on the receiving end of the stories. It is sad, and to some extent frustrating too as we watch our friends fan the flames of their hurt with their perceptions of injustice. I’ve just recently been party to the ‘he’s flaunting his new girlfriend’ story - as you say, ignore and move on, recovery will be so much easier (but not easy, I hasten to add).

  2. I can see how people make up stories. Thanks for the info. Like visiting other blogs.

  3. What great advice. Regardless of what the other person’s actions are, we have the power to choose our own responses. Telling ourselves all these negative things over and over (true or not) is not healthy and hurts us more than the other person could ever hurt us.

    • Thanks Rochelle, I totally agree with you. We choose our thoughts - the stories we tell ourselves. Therefore to reduce stress and be happier, just start telling yourself good stories.

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